Semi-finalists: Albania to Croatia

Credit: Eurovision Song Contest Baku 2012


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I suppose I’m biased, really, because I only actually like upbeat Eurovision songs. One thing about this video though: I feel like Jake and Dinos Chapman would be proud.

And here’s a translation for all you non-Albanian speakers.

Contagious rating: 0/5

Might make it past the semis. Don’t listen for too long – it’s like a mermaid’s song out of water, I tell you. Harry Potter knows what I’m sayin’.



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Neon clad pole dancers: this performance was simply a Lucozade video shoot gone wrong. As much as I love a good arm pump, Trackshittaz’s (yes, that’s the duo’s name) enthusiasm was wasted and certainly came too close to channelling Pitbull. I did want to share in their excitement, really. For a song titled “Shake Your Bum” – it really does live up to the name.

Contagious rating: -1/5

Whether less progressive European voters sat by their landlines in their dressing gowns and slippers will appreciate this track…well.



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The coolest thing about this band are their crazy microphone stands. And thank goodness for the distraction, else there’s too much out of tune singing to focus on. I barely made it to the end of the track and was cringing within the first fifteen seconds. And why do they all have an inexplicable yearning to look like Power Rangers?

Contagious rating: 0/5

Save yourself – use this as your tea break during the second semi-final.



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Dare I admit that despite being a ballad (my Eurovision pet peeve), I didn’t entirely hate Iris’ performance. If she has a good night, I think she could win Europe over with the semblance of something like a voice that can actually deliver. Or am I just listening with an optimistic ear because she wasn’t as whiny as I was expecting her to be?

Contagious rating: 0/5

If she keeps dressing in that ‘cute as a button’ style, she’s in with a chance.

Bosnia and Herzegovina

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My head was buried deep within my hands throughout this entire song. Woman at piano. Crescendo. Pained expression. Followed by peaceful expression. Flute interlude. LET IT STOP.

Contagious rating: 1/5

Definitely a track that you could easily talk the entire way through and tune out of. Which probably will equate to Bosnia and Herzegovina making the finals.



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So the lyrics of this ‘gem’ translate loosely into a lot of love. A sickening amount, in fact. With a Stereo Love backbeat, I expected more – but only a remix of this track could stop its already synthesised sound from falling flat on its face.

Contagious rating: 2/5

I hope this track doesn’t make it past the semis…but with Eurovision, who’s to say what will happen.



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Was definitely scared of seeing a little too much of what was underneath the background dancer’s loincloth throughout this entire video. Especially when said dancer turned into a unsuspecting cello player. This song is about a woman realised she’s been cheated on, feeling hurt, and then having the Almighty help her get her groove back. Hmm.

Contagious rating: 0/5

One to remain firmly in the semi-finals.


Image Credit: Eurovision Song Contest Baku 2012